I've got to get something off my chest

I'm looking down not ahead

Ashamed to say the words I meant to

I've got to get something off my chest before I run out of breath

I want a perfect death

It's not too early to change

Not too late to run away

I'm just afraid to stay the same

Maybe I'm ashamed that I'm the one to blame

Who pushed you far away

I wanted you to stay

I've gotta get something off my chest

I'm looking down and not ahead

I'm afraid the fight’s all I have left

I'm looking for a perfect death

Bring me another life, I'll take it

I'll raise my chin and face the end when I've made a difference

Raised eyes scan the distance

For a foe that makes sense

I've gotta get something off my chest

I'm looking down and not ahead

I'm afraid the fight’s all I have left

I'm looking for a perfect death

A perfect death

Bring me all your pain

I'll draw to soak my blade and take what's left

I've gotta get something off my chest

I'm looking down and not ahead

I'm afraid the fight’s all I have left

I'm looking for a perfect death

A perfect death

Bring me all your pain

I'll draw to soak my blade and take what's left

You think you have me

With one foot in the ground, one on my chest

On the path that you stray I cut a straight line

Face to face I see you now

You've become the reason you protected yourself but worse

These mistakes took thirty years to correct

Protecting me from what

Explain it

Cut my teeth on your misery

I know its hard but I make it look easy

I walk alone

It's your fault not a mystery

So take your fingers off the scales where my worth is weighed

Inflicting pain when you feel the same

You try to push it down but guilt remains, cut it off

More than a stain it’s the same thing that I release with my downswing

Become the blade

Broken by failure

The same thing that destroyed you made me

Become the blade

Avert your eyes

Hide from the light

Never see what you’ve become

Die by the sword

Dragging behind

Never found yourself in life

Soak the cloth in lies and wipe away what it felt like

Dispositive you say

Then push your outcome on me

I think you’re afraid there was a better way

Safety and sanctity nowhere to be found

Where's your humanity

Casted by gravity

Poured in a mold I wasn’t built to bear

I walk alone

To protect my home

You should see how they've grown but you'll never know

Hands wrapped around

My blade gilded by shame

It cuts me too but still I swing

It’s not the right device

This won’t suffice I have to sacrifice

Cutting with the pain I wield

It’s not enough pick up the shield

I saved myself but not the ones I love

Who's protecting them from me

It has to end

I have to bend

To break for their sakes

Drowning in the guilt I feel

Cutting with the pain I wield

Never strong enough to heal

Searching through myself for something real

Will you complete me

Why can't you see me

Its more than I'm needing

I've seen the same things

In the brother I never held

Father I never felt

In myself

Strength enough to pull

Blood from stone but not blood from ashes

Your second death happens when these marks fade

Though I'm not strong enough to heal

I'm strong enough to hold the shield

Drowning in the guilt I feel

Cutting with the pain I wield

Never strong enough to heal

Searching through myself for something real

Will you complete me

Why can't you see me

Its more than I'm needing

I was born for something

I can feel it in my bones

What is this that's coursing through me

I can’t bring it home

Cutting with the pain I wield

Strong enough to hold the shield

Even though my fate is sealed

All of this to test my steel

Suffer just to control you

I’ll never even know you

Still I wait at the window

Please come home soon

You try to push me away

And keep me away but still I wait

I remember the days

When I thought everything was okay

When I didn't need someone to blame

When I didn't have to run from my name

Still I'm lingering

I'm looking down not ahead

Ashamed to say the words I meant

I need to get you off my chest

Then I'll deal with the rest

I’ll face my own regrets

Until then what's left

It takes ahold of me

Like roots gripping the earth

I can't seem to shake your words

But they don't define my worth

Take some advice from the ones you hurt

Stop running from what you deserve

Maybe then we can make it work

Always wondering If your suffering

What kind of pain will you bring

Still I'm lingering

Face against the pane

And remembering the days

All this time putting up a fight to make it out alive

I’ll give it all my might

To change the paradigm

To shield the ones I love

From your parasite

I remember the days

When I thought everything was okay

When I didn't need someone to blame

When I didn't have to run from my name

Still I'm lingering

I feel you there

Likeness is pulling me down

I’ll move on in spite

Entropy drives abiding heartbreak

Absent, absent of fear, absent of love, absent of you

I’ll keep running away from the man you became

I feel you there inching closer to me

The shadows disguise your flaws

I’m scared I'm like you

I despise you

Come into my view

I can hear you

Breathing in the dark

Inching closer to me with a sterilizing mindset

I'll never forget hiding wishing you were different

My existence is maligning you

I'll move on in spite of you hiding a lie between two truths

Your worthless and I need you, My life is better this way

Clench my wrist like everything slips between your finger tips

What are you

The shadows disguise your flaws

I’m scared I'm like you

I despise you

Come into my view

I can hear you

Breathing

How could you hate your namesake

What are you standing over me

I can hear you breathing

Frozen by hatred and diffidence

Confused by states of ambivalence

Begging for deliverance I keep my eyes shut

I can't escape you standing over me

I was six

Slowly sinking, that concrete feeling

Or something else as eyes roll to the ceiling

It's no secret what you do in the dark

I've had enough, I'll take the old way

Its calling

Giving up on making amends

Dwelling on the things that can’t change

Running from a past that can't be seen

I'll take the old way

Savoring a permanent ending

The only way above me

Is at the end of eighteen feet of rope

When it comes to innocents

It's just as bad to sit the fence

I'm calling out your impotence

There's no mistake it's weakness

The old way is calling

Taking everything until there's nothing left but

Payment in flesh and I'll return for the rest

Pieces from the face of the one who sees death

I'll take the old way

Savoring a permanent ending

The only way above me

Is at the end of eighteen feet of

Try to confide and lie to save your life

I'll slip it on and pull it tight

Tell it to the ones that you survive

It ends where the guilty sleep

With her you earned your keep

Lighter than grief

I'll pull you off your feet and watch the short drop

Measured twice

Still stuck in the loop

I've got a feeling this never gonna end well

Pulled tight

Strangulation begins

Becoming numb like my fingers holding the other end

Pedophile

Abuser

You used her

I don't need another future

To put down another child loving loser

Measured twice

Still stuck in the loop

I've got a feeling this never gonna end well

Pulled tight

Strangulation begins

Becoming numb like my fingers holding the other end

The other end

Defensive wounds spin a different truth

I promise I've got more to lose

I could always pull another noose

It's about time I put this rope to use

Pedophile

Abuser

You used her

I don't need another future

To put down another child loving loser

Don't look too deep

It's just a matter of principle you see

You must seek defeat

Measured and then found to be weak

Defensive wounds spin a different truth

I promise I've got more to lose

I could always pull another noose

It's about time I put this rope to use on you

Measured twice

Found to be the worst of all

It's not fair

It's not your fault

I think I've heard it all

A stolen life

The one you held against the wall

I know the type

Pedophile

They pass like rain cutting deep into the mountain

Parting green seas like waves in the meadow

A shadow from the east

Hides behind the hills of my home

Where is the horse and the rider

The wind that blows away the fire

I am the lesser son of great fathers

Free from worming tongues

I am the fallen one

Come to seize my fate

Am I enough

Am I enough

The lesser son

How far will my light reach when I’m gone

Fall unto me we’ll sow the ground with the weak

Beneath our fathers trees unyielding

Take what you want

Just leave me beneath our father trees

The end is closer now

Dappled light reaching down from the clouds and tinted by leaves

When I take my leave

How far will my light reach and will I see

How good the world can be

Will there be no suffering

How far will my light reach

How far will my light reach

How far will my light reach

How far will my light reach

Blood feels weak when my fate runs so deep

It’s an honor to be the lesser son

Unbowed

Unbroken

Go forth and fear no darkness

Ride now

When I take my leave how far will my light reach

I go to my fathers

They call my name

I am no longer ashamed

Just halt my misery I’ve waited so long

Anticipating anything what did I do wrong

Don't take a piece away unless you're coming home to stay

I'm sorry my mistake

I didn't know my trust was misplaced

I didn't know your will was this faint

I didn't know I wasn't worth changing for

I didn’t know your missing

The one thing worth having

Now your masquerading its pervading

Like your pain

Taking part of me when you leave

I don't know what I’ve done wrong

If I’m worthy please just save me

I’ve been waiting for so long

I’m worthy of a shared embrace in mourning

I thought I saw the warnings

Blinded by love never saw what's coming

They say I'm worthy

That I’m fine

They say to give it time

What if they're not right

Always wondering if your suffering

What kind of pain will you bring

What kind of pain will you

Taking part of me when you leave

I don't know what I’ve done wrong

If I’m worthy please just save me

I’ve been waiting for so long

Save it

I don’t need your grace I'll make it

I don’t need it back you take it

I’m not afraid to face the anguish

I’m worthy

I’m worthy

Always wondering if your suffering

What kind of pain will you bring

What kind of pain will you bring

If your suffering

What kind of pain will you